Suicide and self-harm resources

Suicide and self-harm among children and youth here in Ontario and across Canada may be more common than most of us are aware of. In fact, suicide is among the leading causes of death in 15–24-year-old Canadians, second only to accidents. We know how hard it can be to find the right information to help your child. We created this page with tips to creating a safe environment at home, understanding non-suicidal self injury and to share links to other recommended resources to help you through this difficult time.

We connected with parents and caregivers from Parent’s for Children’s Mental Health (PCMH) and asked them to share their experiences.

For one mom, Sarah, her daughter was 7 years old when she told Sarah her plan for suicide. “It came out of nowhere,” Sarah said.

Another mom, Angie, who lives in Stratford, Ontario, said her son became suicidal at age 13. “He had been having panic attacks and was missing a lot of school. I had no idea it was coming, but one day I walked into his room and realized he was looking to die. We went straight to the emergency department, and he spent a night there,” she said.

Tips for creating a safe and supportive environment at home

1. Understand common warning signs

While it’s not always possible to know that your child is considering hurting themselves – indeed, it can happen without warning – there are some common warning signs that a child may be thinking of hurting themselves. Feeling hopeless, isolating themselves or withdrawing socially are all important warning cues to look out for. Ask your child about what they think triggers them or what are the warning signs that they are feeling this way. Try to understand how to identify when the child may be escalating and starting to think about suicide, so a safety plan can be implemented immediately.

Download this tip sheet on How to Advocate for Your Child from Parents for Children’s Mental Health (PCMH)

2. Be direct

Ask your child or youth about suicide plans and self-harm. Don’t be afraid to dig a little deeper to try and understand what is on your child’s mind. For example, a child who says they want to harm themselves can mean different things, so ask them specifically what it means to the child when they say that. Here are some examples of other questions you could ask: “What have you done? What is your sadness like for you? How have you been feeling? What are your thoughts on death?”

3. Keep your home suicide-proof

If suicide or self-harm is an ongoing concern build a checklist of highest risk items (or items that are hardest to be near). Work together to put away/limit the things that are the highest risk and any items connected to any plans your child/youth has shared (medicines, knives, matches, razors, belts, ropes). Remove dangerous things but do it together if possible. This allows your child/youth to be aware that this is a joint decision for their safety. Develop code words/phrases that help you both to know when things are good and when they are not. Agree upon ways to communicate so that you and your child/youth feel safe.

4. Identify safe people

You can help your child/youth identify a few safe people around them for times when you are not available or when they need someone other than a parent to speak to. It’s helpful if these safe people are aware of the plan and have specific information. It’s a good idea to support your child in any way possible to foster these relationships.

“Look for helpers. Create a support network and don’t be ashamed of it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The more people you have on board is so much more helpful to deal with a crisis” – Sarah, PCMH parent

5. Manage online time

Depending on your child’s age and the impact internet use and social media has had on their mental health they may need your help with managing their time online. For older children or youth, it can be helpful to create a plan and agreement together about their online use. Try to work together to develop a system of communication about how their online activities are making them feel and if they are helping them to develop skills of benefit.

6. Use pictures

It can be challenging speaking to children about these difficult topics. For younger children, children with autism spectrum disorder or cognitive impairments, having pictures to explain feelings and emotions is good to help communicate complicated feelings. Also, considering using simple language or images to help the child when you are creating safety plans.

7. Listen to your child

When there is any concern about suicide, self-harm or a significant escalation of symptoms, it is important to be aware any indications your child may give. When communicating with your child, listen for responses and comments like “doesn’t matter anyway”, “you would be better off without me” or “it won’t matter soon.” Listen carefully to their words and try to take time to ask them why? “Why do you think we would be better off without you?” Reassure your child that they are indeed very much valued and important to you and the others around them.

8. Try problem-solving

Understanding your child’s perspective can help determine what is causing a crisis. Try this problem-solving approach:

Define the problem
Review ways that you have already tried to correct the problem
Decide what you want when the problem is solved
Brainstorm alternatives
Select alternative and commit to following through with them
Follow up

Non-suicidal self injury

Non-suicidal self-injury in a child or youth typically involves the child or youth cutting skin with a sharp object, pulling hair, scratching, hitting, etc. These behaviours do not always mean the child or youth are suicidal. Some children and youth say they do it to take their mind off of their emotional pain and focus on their physical pain. It’s sometimes a way for them to express the pain that they’re feeling because a lot of the time they don’t have the words to express it to people.

If your child is hurting themselves, what can a parent or caregiver do? Our experts share these tips.

1. Listen. The child needs to be heard so try sitting and listening to them. You could say ‘I’m here to talk, what’s going on?’
2. Validate their experience and feelings. Let them know that their feelings are real, and they are not alone.

3. Ask them directly about whether they are considering suicide. You could say: ‘Do you want to kill yourself? Do you want to end your life, or do you have a plan to do this?’

4. Take action. If you are concerned that the child has a plan to die by suicide and they are going to follow through with it, have a plan to get help.

5. Accept that you may not be the one to help them through this. Sometimes kids don’t want to open up to their parents or the parent could even be the trigger to the problem. In this case, let the child know that if you can’t be the one to help them, you can help find someone who can.

6. Reach out for help. Parents and caregivers are also going through their own crisis when they’re watching their child in crisis. Mental health supports can help parents and caregivers learn coping strategies, too.

More Resources

Peer support groups by Parents for Children’s Mental Health (PCMH)

Tips on how to Advocate for Your Child by PCMH

Find Help by Children’s Mental Health Ontario

Supporting parents of suicidal youth from PLEO

Self harm resources from CHEO

How to talk to children when a suicide has happened in the family/community (Mental Health Commission)

What to look for from Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)

Suicide prevention tool kit for children from the Centre for Suicide Prevention

Suicide in children and teens: Overview from About Kids Health

Self-harm in children and teens: Overview from About Kids Health

My Traffic Light Safety Plan, Presented by Dr Elizabeth Preston and Edward Zeballos, Page 11

Mental Health Safety Plan- older children and teens, downloadable resource

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone.

If you are a parent/caregiver worried about your child, or a young person looking for help yourself – please reach out. Our network of child and youth mental health centres have 4,000 professionals ready to help children, youth and families with free counselling and treatment. We provide care in person, on the phone and virtually. No problem is too big or small. Find your closest child and youth mental health centre.

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