How can I support and advocate for my child or youth through this journey?
As a parent or caregiver, you set the tone in your family. Creating or maintaining an open, safe environment where you are approachable and supportive is critical for many reasons, including while you walk alongside your child or youth as they explore their gender, sexuality, and expression. Here are some things you can try at home.
- Create a welcoming home where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings and experiences.
- Listen and ask questions. Show interest in how they see themselves and hear about their experiences at school and in social settings.
- Ask them how they’d like to be supported and do your best to follow through on their requests.
- Be clear that your love is unconditional and that you will accept and support them no matter what.
- Thank them for sharing their feelings, as this can be a difficult thing to do.
- Encourage diverse friendships and involvement in a range of social groups.
- Step in and remind people of your child or youth’s name and/or pronouns if necessary.
- Work with your child or youth’s school and educators to build a safe and supportive learning environment.
- Learn and grow alongside your child or youth. Read books and watch movies together and include art in your home that reflects diverse identities.
- Connect with other families who might be on a similar journey.
- Seek professional support from therapists or counsellors who specialize in supporting children and youth exploring their gender identity.
- Be patient. It’s natural for you to feel concerned for your child, since you want them to feel accepted, fit in and be well, and any big change can feel overwhelming. With time and an open mind and heart, you’ll get there together as a family.
This may be more of a long journey than a quick trip, and there is no set path or “blueprint.” It can take time for everyone in the family to adjust to changes in a young person’s gender, sexuality, and/or expression, but with openness, communication, and a nurturing environment, the young person in your life will feel supported and will thrive as their authentic self.
Support Strategies
Depending on the situation, there are different ways you can support and advocate for your child or youth. You can advocate from behind, beside, or in front.
Behind
You may need to stand behind someone to support them, recognizing that they are the experts and know what is best for them. This means being comfortable taking a back seat and letting your child or youth advocate for themselves. You can be available for and ready to support, if needed. Letting your child or youth be in charge of their own narrative/story is a powerful way to support them.
Real-life scenario
At a school book fair, your child picks out a book and a teacher tells them they shouldn’t buy the book because it’s a girl’s book or a boy’s book. This could be a good opportunity to stand behind and allow the child to self-advocate if they feel comfortable. You can be ready to stand in front and advocate on behalf of your child if the teacher continues.
Beside
You may need to stand beside your child or youth to support them. This means listening to them and walking with them through an experience and showing them that you are invested in this journey or experience with them.
Real-life scenario
Your youth returns from a party and shares that overheard other youth using queer slurs. This may be a good opportunity to stand beside and give them space to talk about how they’d like to respond to their peers. Listen to your child’s experience and how they felt in that moment.
In Front
You may need to stand up in front of your child or youth to help them avoid harm and hurt. This means using your privilege to support and advocate on their behalf. There are times when you need to know your child or youth’s rights if in a situation when needed or requested. In some situations, a child may need an adult present to help advocate for themselves.
Real-life scenario
Your youth shares with you that a person at their workplace won’t allow them to access the appropriate bathroom and has told other employees to “watch their back” in their bathroom. They said, “It’s okay, they can just hold it, and the other employees don’t bother them.” This may be a sign it’s time to stand in front and advocate on behalf of your youth by raising awareness of human rights legislation and their rights as a worker or contacting a labour lawyer if necessary. Depending on their age and capacity, you can also stand beside to help them understand their rights to self-advocate. Of course, you can always offer emotional support.
Celebrate your child or youth’s journey of figuring out who they are.