School Attendance Challenges

We understand how challenging it can be for families when a child has challenges with school attendance. As parents and caregivers, we know that, in most cases, our children need to be in school. It’s not only academics that are important, but school is where they learn so much about socializing and building relationships beyond their family.

When our children are struggling, it can impact the entire family. For example, many parents and caregivers from our PCMH peer support groups have shared that they end up being frequently late for work or they have had to miss work entirely, which can be very stressful.

We know how hard this can be. That’s why we checked in with our child and youth mental health experts for their top tips to help families whose children and youth are struggling with school attendance challenges.

Whether your child is occasionally missing school, often late, or skipping classes, attendance issues can take a real toll on children, youth, and families, especially when absences become frequent, prolonged, or persistent. Most schools consider a student chronically absent when they miss 10% or more of the school year—about 19 days—but there’s no hard rule. Even missing a few days can mean missing out on opportunities to learn, grow, connect with others, and access important school supports.

Absences are often labelled as excused (like for a doctor’s appointment) or unexcused (like skipping without permission), but it’s important to remember that all absences matter, because over time, they can impact a young person’s academic progress and well-being. To better understand school attendance problems, researchers Heney and colleagues (2019) describe four main types of attendance issues:

• School Avoidance: When a child misses school due to anxiety or other emotional or mental health challenges.

• School Withdrawal: When parents keep a child home—for example, due to concerns about school support or family responsibilities.

• School Exclusion: When a child is suspended, expelled, or otherwise prevented from attending school.

• Truancy: When a child is absent from school without permission and does not inform—or tries to conceal the absence from—their parent/guardian or the school.

Sometimes, a student’s attendance challenges involve more than one of these categories. Regardless of the reason, regular attendance is important for learning and achieving long-term success.

When children miss too much school, they can fall behind both academically and socially. They may start to feel disconnected and disengaged, which can affect their confidence and overall well-being. When young people miss a lot of school, it can be hard for them to go back. They might feel anxious or overwhelmed, and the longer they’re away, the harder it is to catch up or take advantage of the support and opportunities school can offer.

There are many reasons why kids might miss school. Some children and youth struggle with physical or mental health issues like feeling anxious, depressed, or sick, which can make it hard to get out the door in the morning. Others may have learning or developmental challenges that make school feel frustrating or overwhelming. If a child or youth is experiencing bullying or having trouble with friends or school staff, they might want to avoid school altogether. Family stress, such as a breakup, illness, or caring for younger siblings, can also impact attendance. For some families, unstable housing or unreliable transportation can make it difficult to get to school every day.

School can be challenging for many reasons, and for some families, there are additional barriers that can make it even harder. If your family is new to Canada, part of the foster system, speaks a language other than English at home, or identifies as Indigenous, Black, or racialized, you may face unique challenges in navigating the school system. These challenges can sometimes lead to increased school absences.

School absenteeism is rarely caused by just one thing—it often involves a combination of personal, family, social, and systemic issues. That’s why it’s important to talk with your child or youth and try to understand what might be making it hard for them to attend. You don’t have to figure it out alone—there are supports that can help. Connecting with a trusted teacher, school social worker, or community organization can be a good first step.

When your child or youth is struggling, it can impact the entire family. For example, parents and caregivers may arrive late to work or need to take time off to support their child, attend meetings, or manage challenging mornings, which can be stressful and lead to financial hardship. Families may also receive calls from the school, which adds to the ongoing burden of navigating this situation. Many families report feeling stressed, overwhelmed, ashamed, guilty, angry, frustrated, or hopeless about what their child’s future may hold because of these challenges. Siblings may also be affected by changes in routines or family stress. You can explore our resource The Sibling Experience to learn more about supporting siblings of children or youth with mental health challenges.

It’s important to focus on understanding your child or youth’s experience and supporting them in problem-solving, rather than jumping to future worry. Recognizing and managing your own expectations and worries is important because your child or youth will pick up on that. It’s okay to reach out for mental health supports for yourself, too. 

There are many reasons why children and youth may struggle with school attendance, and not all of them are within your control as a parent or caregiver. Sometimes, the challenge lies in what’s happening at school; other times, it’s related to mental health, learning needs, or life circumstances, and often, it’s a combination of these factors. What’s important to remember is that you’re not alone, and this isn’t about blame. While there is very little research about what works when it comes to school attendance problems, here are some strategies that have worked for other families.

• Focus on your relationship with your child or youth

• Work with your child or youth to set routines and establish good sleep and morning habits

• Build on your child or youth’s strengths and interests, including extracurricular activities

• Celebrate small successes (e.g., attending half a day, a few days in a week, or a full week). Each step forward matters.

According to the Collaborative Problem-Solving model (Greene, 2014), the first step is to understand what’s getting in the way of school attendance. These factors can change over time, and your child or youth may find it difficult to talk about them. Approaching the issue with curiosity and empathy can make a big difference. Try to start by listening to your child or youth without immediately jumping into solutions. They need to feel heard and understood before they’re ready to problem-solve. Your child needs to know that you’re on their side—even if they push you away. Shame and frustration often come up when kids miss school, but underneath those feelings, there may be fear, self-doubt, or a sense of not belonging. Creating space for open, honest conversations helps build trust and lets your young person know they’re not facing this alone.

Not all solutions work for every individual. For example, helping a young person with anxiety gradually face their fears and return to school can be effective, but if a child or youth is experiencing bulling or exclusion, the response needs to look very different. This is why understanding why your child is missing school is essential before jumping into how to address it.

If your child or youth is able to open up, that’s a strong starting point for finding solutions together. If they’re not ready, ​​​​be patient and continue showing up with care and consistency. Focusing on relationships doesn’t mean lowering your expectations, but it does mean that you are your child or youth’s greatest ally in this process. Remember, change takes time, and setbacks are part of the journey. Celebrate small successes and understand that every young person’s pat​​​​h is unique.

Whatever ideas you and your child or youth discuss, the next step is to bring the school into the conversation so that they can support developing an individualized plan for your young person to return to school.

You don’t have to face this alone. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from school staff, mental health professionals, or community supports. Just as importantly, remember to take care of yourself. Supporting a child or youth through school attendance challenges is tough, and you’re doing your best in difficult circumstances. Here are some helpful resources to consider.

1. Your Child’s School

Connecting with your child’s school is an important step. Reach out to teachers, guidance counsellors, or the principal—they care about your child’s well-being and want to help. Every school board also has an attendance counsellor who can support families and help explore different school options or programs in the community. Parents and caregivers may sometimes feel blamed when a child is missing school, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. The goal is to collaborate with the school team to find solutions that truly support your child or youth.

Keep the conversation focused on what your child or youth needs to feel safe, supported, and ready to attend. Schools have a responsibility to be welcoming, inclusive spaces where all students feel they belong. While staff may offer suggestions for how parents can help at home, the focus should remain on understanding and meeting your child or youth’s needs together.

3. Connect with Other Parents and Caregivers

Connecting with other families to talk about these challenges is a great way to feel less alone, gain new ideas for how to manage your child or youth’s needs, and learn about supports and services in your community. Connect with Parents for Children’s Mental Health to meet other parents and caregivers who “get it.”