What should I do if I think my child or youth has an eating disorder or is engaging in disordered eating?
It can be very upsetting to see your child or young person struggling—no one wants their child to be in pain. And conversations about eating disorders or disordered eating can be tough, since you may be worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. If you are concerned about a possible eating disorder or disordered eating, there are a few concrete things you can do to help:
Promote positive eating behaviours
From a very early age, children are born wanting to eat and knowing how much to eat. The role of the adults in their lives is to help them have positive attitudes and behaviours about food and nutrition. When parents and caregivers support this by exposing children to new foods without pressure related to what or how much they eat, children typically eat what they need and gradually accept new food easily. Creating a positive culture around food in the family home can help prevent eating issues from developing.
Show empathy
If your child or young person is struggling with an eating issue, they are likely experiencing a range of really challenging emotional and physical symptoms. When you broach the topic with them, let them know you’re there to help and not judge, by saying things like “I know this is really upsetting for you” or “I understand this is difficult—I care about you and think we should talk about this” or “How can I make this conversation easier?”
Ask questions
As we’ve described above, every child or young person experiences eating concerns in a unique way. It’s important to ask them questions that will help you understand their specific situation and how they’re feeling about it. As a parent or caregiver, it’s second nature to want to solve your child or young person’s problems, but be careful not to get caught up in looking for the root causes of eating challenges at this point. Also, make sure conversations are calm and unhurried.
Keep comments neutral
As a parent or caregiver, we can sometimes inadvertently amplify a child or young person’s disordered thinking. Commenting on their weight or their appearance (e.g., “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight—you’re so skinny”), no matter how well-intentioned, can inadvertently send a message to your child or young person that their disordered eating behaviours are producing the desired outcome. Try to make these conversations as neutral as possible (e.g., “I notice you seem to be more tired than usual. What do you think is going on?”).
If you comment on their weight, shape, or size, it could amplify or confirm their shame or guilt about their body. Try to make conversations about their physical appearance as neutral as possible. For example, “I’m noticing that you seem tired lately. I wonder if we should talk to the doctor about that.”
Educate yourself
Reading books, consulting trusted websites and watching evidence-based videos can help you to learn more about disordered eating and eating disorders (there are some suggestions at the end of this resource). Share this information with your child or young person as appropriate and when you think the time is right.
Show support
It’s normal for a child or young person to tell parents and caregivers that there’s nothing wrong. Reassure them that you’re there to support them, whether that’s by being there to listen or helping them to access professional help, and that you will be there for them through this journey.
Call out diet and gym culture
Recognize that as adults, we’re also a part of diet culture and gym culture. It’s important to acknowledge this and think about how this might affect what we’re seeing in our kids, and how we speak about ourselves and our bodies. While practicing healthy eating habits and engaging in physically healthy behaviours are important, diet and gym culture can have extreme and damaging consequences.
Don’t be afraid to call out sizeism and diet/gym culture when you see it. Building our vocabulary around this can help normalize making these things not normal. Also, focus on “body diversity” and emphasize other aspects of your child or young person’s identity (for example, instead of commenting on their physical appearance, be sure to say things like “I love how kind you are” or “you’re so smart and capable”).
Visit your primary care practitioner
Ask your family doctor or nurse practitioner if they are familiar with both the symptoms and the treatments/supports for disordered eating available to your child or young person. If you or your primary care practitioner thinks an eating disorder specialist would be helpful and appropriate, ask them for a referral to this kind of support (i.e., a disordered eating-informed dietitian, psychotherapist, or nurse practitioner).
Seek counselling for your child or youth
Managing the physical symptoms of the eating issue is only part of the solution. To understand what is causing your child or young person’s challenges, and to figure out the best way to respond, it’s important to access mental health services from those who specialize in body image, eating disorders and disordered eating to support your child or young person’s recovery.