How can I support my child or youth with anxiety?
As a parent or caregiver, there are many ways you can help your child manage their anxiety-related symptoms. It’s important to engage with any professionals who are also working with your child or young person, since together, you form a strong foundation of support for them. Here are some concrete actions you can take.
Listen
Take time to listen to and understand your child or young person’s anxiety-related concerns. It’s important to do this in a neutral way without implying that their worries are either reasonable or unreasonable. Sometimes, it can be helpful to use resources like the Feelings Wheel so that your child or young person can put their feelings into words.
Anxiety is real for your child or youth, even if you can’t relate to it. Do not dismiss it.
Encourage the use of tools
When your child’s anxiety is low, help them to learn some calming strategies or breathing exercises (e.g., circular breathing) that can be useful to try when they have anxious moments. Practicing these strategies during non-anxious times can strengthen their “muscle memory” so they can call on them more easily in moments when they’re feeling anxious.
Learn grounding skills yourself too so that you can do this with your child or youth to help co-regulate in moments of distress.
Problem-solve together
Remind your child or young person that anxiety is a normal experience and that they are capable of managing it. Work together to explore practical approaches, such as challenging anxious thoughts and replacing them with balanced perspectives or building skills to tolerate distressing thoughts.
You could say, “I understand that you are worried about ___________. Tell me more about this worry. Where did you learn about this worry? (i.e., reading a book, watching a movie, etc.) Do you think that is likely to happen? What is our plan if it does happen?” A plan can help them feel validated and less worried that they won’t know how to react if their worst fears come true.
Seek formal support
Earlier, we talked about the value of family doctors, nurse practitioners, and other therapists/counsellors who can provide advice and support in formal ways. In Ontario, children and young people can get help from community-based services with trained social workers, psychologists, and psychotherapists for specialized consultation and assessment, family caregiver support, counselling and therapy, and more intensive in-home or live-in treatment.
Work with school partners
When a child or young person is struggling, it’s natural to want to avoid the thing that creates anxious feelings. While many children find school to be an engaging and enjoyable environment, for some, it can be a source of anxiety, which may cause them to want to stay home. As a parent or caregiver, there are ways you can support your child or young person to manage these concerns and thrive in school.
It can be a good idea to speak with your child’s or youth’s educator (or another school team member that you feel comfortable with) to understand how to support them to succeed in school. Schools in Ontario provide assessment, prevention, and early intervention services delivered by mental health professionals that can address anxiety within the school setting.
Visit School Mental Health Ontario’s By Your Side resource for more information on school-based supports.
Help in the moment
When your child or youth is struggling, one of the first things you can do is validate their feelings. Reassure them with phrases like, “Yes, this is hard/challenging/scary. I know you can manage this. I’m going to be with you, and I have your back.” It may be useful to have them repeat an affirmation (e.g., “I can manage these feelings, even if it feels hard right now”).
Engaging in different activities like getting some rest, taking a break from screens or social media, taking a walk, talking with a friend, listening to music, playing a game, being in nature, journaling, or meditating can redirect their thoughts or behaviours, which can reduce anxious feelings. While it’s tempting to support your child or young person to avoid the thing that’s causing them to feel anxious, helping them to gradually confront these situations can reduce anxiety in the long term.
In our family, role-playing and planning ahead for outings or appointments is part of our routine. We talk about what to do if someone needs a break from what is going on, and we have a plan before we go. For example, when we go to the mall, if someone is feeling overwhelmed, we go to the car for a break. I usually want to leave by then, but we have to be open to trying again if they are ready and want to.
Support good habits
Eating a well-balanced diet and avoiding processed foods, getting a good amount of sleep each night, and having a good exercise routine each day are all habits that can help keep feelings of anxiety at bay. Modelling calm behaviour yourself can serve as a powerful example for your child or youth. For more information on supporting your child at home, visit School Mental Health Ontario.
Don’t overshare your adult worries with your child or youth. Be mindful of their presence when you’re talking about things like money worries, job worries, politics, or relationship issues. Talking about some adult topics can be okay as your children move into adolescence and are working toward independence, but it’s important to make sure that conversations are age-appropriate.
Create a coping kit
Putting together several things that can help decrease anxiety can be a good way of accessing reliable comfort quickly when a child or young person is feeling anxious. Including photographs of places or people that the child or young person loves, sensory items, and other calming items can help soothe them when anxious feelings surface.
We have a coping kit that is portable, and we also keep a few others around so there are options (one in the car, one at home, one for their backpack). It might include fidgets, colouring activities, a special stuffed toy, or anything else that helps your child regulate. We check in on how it’s working every once in a while and change up the items as needed.
Know when to ask for help
We talked about accessing help from professionals, but close friends and family members can also provide valuable help as necessary. Encourage them to get involved in your life and help support the whole family through difficult times.
I had a friend whom I could call to come and pick up my younger son so that I could focus on supporting my son with anxiety when he was having a panic attack or couldn’t calm himself. It helped me to know that I could count on one or two people to help my family because I was a single parent at the time and needed that support.
Take care of yourself
Looking after your own physical and mental health can help you stay grounded and able to support your child or young person. Staying calm can help your child or youth stay calm, which is helpful when trying to keep anxious feelings contained.