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How can I support the sibling(s) in my home?

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When a child or youth experiences mental health challenges, it can feel overwhelming for parents and caregivers who are trying to support the young person who is struggling, as well as other children in the home. It’s impossible to meet everyone’s needs all the time, but there are some ways you can help the sibling(s) to cope.

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Have open conversations

Create meaningful connections

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Share the crisis plan

Encourage peer support

Have open conversations

Managing mental health challenges in children and young people can be difficult—and even more so during a crisis. It can help to have open, frank conversations with siblings about what’s happening in the family, and how it’s impacting everyone. A child or young person who has a sibling struggling with mental health challenges likely feels many, often mixed emotions (like isolation and frustration), and they might not be able to put into words what they’re experiencing.

Talking with your child or youth about this can help. Identifying and validating the siblings’ experiences and encouraging them to share their thoughts can help them to feel seen, heard and loved.

Here are some tips for how to have an open conversation:

  • Tell them it’s okay to share their thoughts and emotions with you about what’s going on with their sibling, even if they are negative. It’s important that they have the space to talk it out and that will help them understand why they may be experiencing these emotions. 
  • Balance listening and validating the feelings that they are sharing with you rather than using the time to explain the mental health needs of the sibling who is struggling. 
  • Create a safe environment to have these conversations. Taking a walk or a drive together just the two of you can help them be open about how they’re feeling.
  • Share what you’ve noticed about how they’ve been behaving or responding to the situation, as this can help them feel validated.
  • Help them to understand what might be going on with their sibling in an age-appropriate way. Ensure that you are balancing sharing information in a way that keeps it simple, respects the privacy of your child or youth with mental health needs, and allows for the sibling to share their feelings about the situation and their experiences.  

“Balance talking about the sibling with mental health challenges and listening to and supporting the sibling(s). I didn’t always want to hear about his problems, I heard and saw enough of it. I wanted the space to just talk about me.”

“When my daughter was struggling, I would often say “This is so hard. It is not OK that you get hurt by your sister sometimes, and it’s OK to feel angry or scared. We can support her and have feelings about it. I’m here to support you.”

“It was really important for me to spend some one-to-one time with my younger son, knowing that most of my time and energy was spent supporting his brother. I had to intentionally set aside time to do this.
“My son at 5 said “it’s been a lot, hasn’t it Mom?” and for years afterwards if I said to him “there is a lot going on with your sister,” he was able to understand that she wasn’t doing well. I didn’t know how to explain to him what I didn’t even really understand.”
“We created a picture book when our kids were little to help them understand their brother, including how to be safe around him…”

Create meaningful connections

If you can, try and spend one-to-one time with each of your children that is focused on them. While it’s important to share your thoughts and feelings as well, try to keep the focus on the sibling and how you can support them.

“It’s really important to have one to one time with your parent. I remember having time with my mom and that was really special and got us away from the stress and worry about what was happening at home.”

Share the crisis plan

Having a concrete action plan to respond to a crisis helps ensure that everyone in the family stays safe. You can engage the sibling(s) in the process of designing a Family Safety Plan. Talking through what this plan might look like, and (if appropriate) asking the sibling to contribute can help them to cope. 

“It was sometimes a challenge to come up with the words to talk about things that were happening that I didn’t always understand either. So I would say things like “we had to call EMS because your brother was struggling and wanted to hurt himself.” That is one of the ways we protect each other and keep each other safe—when I am not sure that I can keep you all safe, we need the ambulance, and we call one.”

Encourage peer support

Connecting your child with other siblings of children with mental health challenges can be extraordinarily helpful and comforting. Informal peer support can be very effective in reducing isolation, validating normal feelings, and helping with problem solving.

A practical way to make this happen might be to seek out peers yourself, so that your child can become connected with the child(ren) of your peers. Children might need help with being open with others while also respecting their sibling’s/family’s privacy—talking this through with them is important. 

Part 3: How can I support healthy sibling relationships?