Find a centre near you... FIND HELP EMAIL US

Communicate With Your Youth

Quick Links

It can sometimes feel challenging to get our youth talking and opening up to us. It’s not unusual to feel like your youth can communicate with anyone, other than their parents and caregivers! This is a typical stage in their development where they are exploring who they are outside of their family experience, and they are seeking independence. Here are some tips from parents, caregivers, and child and youth mental health experts to make the most of your conversations.

Focus on your relationship

Building a trusting relationship with your teen will create an opportunity for open communication. This means you are trusting them as much as you want them to trust you. Find opportunities for them to take on some responsibility in the home or community. Follow your youth’s lead and let them know that they can come to you if they have a problem or are worried about something. When you’re genuinely interested in who they are as a person and show interest in their preferences, opinions, and activities, they’re more likely to come to you when they feel like they need help. Ensure that you are setting aside time to spend with them to focus on having fun or doing something together that they enjoy.

“It’s important to remember that every interaction is like planting a seed, youth soak up more than they might show us!”

Recognize bids for connection

 

Sometimes, when we are so busy with life and work, we don’t always give them our full attention when they talk to us. Recognize that they may come to you at a time that isn’t best for you; try to be aware that this is a bid for connection. If you can, stop what you are doing and engage with them. If you can’t do that, it’s also ok to tell them something like: ‘I’m swamped right now, how about after dinner we come back together because I want to hear what you have to say.’  That way, they feel heard and know you want to connect with them. Then ensure that you follow through and set aside time for them. This builds trust and connection.

Actively listen and validate feelings

It’s important that you are listening—really listening—to what your youth is experiencing. Giving them an open space to talk about what’s going on in their world, without questioning or criticizing, allows them to talk about their questions and fears. It’s helpful to remember to be open to compromise and listen to them, even if you don’t agree with their perspective or choices. When you give them a chance to be heard, they will probably be more likely to be open with you in the future, or to ask for your support. Remember that youth want you to listen and not automatically jump into problem-solving mode for them. This is a good time to validate their feelings about whatever they are experiencing, be curious about the details of their situation, and let them know that it’s ok to feel how they are feeling and assure them that you’re going to get through whatever is going on together.

Tip: Consider the LEAP model of communication.

“Get comfortable with sitting in the silence or with one-word answers. Don’t take it personally! My daughter asks me to hold space for her—that’s my cue to sit and listen, not jump into problem-solving mode even though I really want to!”

Be the calm in their storm

 

Adolescence is a time of so many changes happening in their brains, bodies, and social lives. It will help them if your approach is balanced and supportive, and if you are calm when talking with them.  You might need to get comfortable with their one-word answers or changes in their tone if that is all they can offer for the moment. It can also be helpful to gauge the mood of your youth before you get into a conversation about something you have in mind. Consider waiting and listening first before jumping into the issues you want to discuss. Use “I” statements to share how you may be feeling or what you need.

“Be curious, not furious, to keep the conversation going!”
 

  • Find the right time. Gauge their mood, the importance of the issue, and what else may be going on that day or week. You know your youth best.
  • Find the right way. A sit-down may not be the right approach; sometimes the best conversations happen during time together, driving, sharing a meal, or doing an activity together.
  • Talk less, listen more. Keep your questions to a minimum. When you do ask a question, keep it open-ended and sit in the silence while they think about what to say.
  • Avoid lectures. They likely already know your opinion, and typically stop listening when it feels like a lecture.
  • Be curious about how they are going to solve their problem and let them take the lead on the solution.
  • Be there. Let them know you are there to help if they need it.