Communicate with the School

It’s important to acknowledge that your role in taking the lead in communication with the school will shift during the high school years, depending on your youth’s capacity. Your youth will be encouraged to be responsible for communication and to initiate communication with teachers and administration as a step toward independence. If your youth is managing mental health challenges, it is helpful to have the lines of communication open with your youth and the school during this time of transition. You also don’t need to wait for an issue to escalate before you reach out to them.

Once you and your youth have identified some specific challenges and worked together to identify potential solutions, you’re ready to help them communicate their needs to their teacher and other key adults at the school. You’ll want to encourage your youth to advocate for themselves, first and foremost, and let them know that you are there to step in if support is needed. Staying connected with the school as needed allows you to work together as a team and ensure your youth feels heard and assured that they can get through difficulties at school.

Here are some key points from parents, caregivers, and child and youth mental health experts to keep in mind when you’re advocating with your youth, or on their behalf.

Encourage your youth to tell their teachers what they need.

If your youth has an Individual Education Plan (IEP), review it with them so that they understand the strategies identified to help them succeed and can have ongoing conversations with their teachers. Use this as a way to check in with your youth about how things are going with their schoolwork.Talking with your child or youth about this can help. Identifying and validating the siblings’ experiences and encouraging them to share their thoughts can help them to feel seen, heard and loved.

Sometimes, if we have stronger children, we assume they are handling everything well, but it’s essential to check in. Even though we want them to experience independence, we need to continue to check in so they don’t slip through the cracks.

Identify a trusted adult at the school

Is there a teacher with whom your youth is comfortable having open and honest conversations? It might be helpful to remind your youth that it’s ok to let their teacher know that they are doing the best they can and would benefit from support when needed. For some youth, you’ll want to acknowledge how challenging it can be to have many different teachers, all with their approaches and expectations in the classroom.

If your youth is feeling hesitant to start the conversation, consider practicing it with them and role-playing as though you are the teacher. By practicing, they can help figure out the approach that feels right to them. Also, consider asking them to write down what they want to communicate to help them ensure they get their point across.

Recognize the benefits of starting a conversation with school officials

You have so much to gain by collaborating with school staff. Try to encourage youth to have important conversations with their teachers and be ready to reach out on their behalf if they need support. Consider including other school staff such as social workers, guidance counsellors, learning support teachers, or principals if needed. Building a team around your youth adds to the support for their success.

Know when to make the call

When it comes to reaching out to the school on behalf of your youth, partner with your youth and ensure they give their consent. Suppose you’re not able to make contact in a timely manner with the teacher (or you’re not satisfied with the responses you or your youth receive). In that case, you might also consider reaching out to the school for referrals to other resources that may be available, such as a social worker, child-youth worker, guidance counsellor, or to the board’s mental health leader.

“When my youth was in grade 9, I talked to them about how confidentiality works, and the need for us to be a team and on the same page about how school was going. This was important to do at the beginning, because they learned what they could handle, and when they needed my help to communicate with the school. As they got older, I only got involved when it was necessary, and had to have my youth’s consent to talk to the school, and the school needed my youth’s consent too. I was so glad we had been having these conversations over the years because it prepared both of us for that shift in communication, and I could still be involved as a support.”

Acknowledge your youth’s health and well-being as a priority

When you do contact the school, aim to have an honest conversation with them about your priorities. You might want to acknowledge that you’re not expecting this to be your youth’s best school year ever, and to emphasize what matters most to you in this moment—your youth’s health and wellbeing versus academics.

“When my son entered grade 9, I sent a one-page note to each of his teachers to share a bit about who he was, what his mental health needs are, and what strategies worked for him. I also let them know that it wasn’t likely that homework would be part of our routine at home because he couldn’t do this after a full day at school. I worked with him to create it so that he knew what was shared with each of the teachers, and it helped him have the language to use to talk to them when he needed to. Most of the teachers appreciated this and supported his capacity to do schoolwork at his own pace, and to follow his IEP expectations.”

Be prepared to work on the relationship

Assume the best of intentions on the part of the teacher and other school staff. Collaboration is key to building relationships to support your youth. Check out our resource for further tips: Best Practices for Parents and Schools Supporting Students with Mental Health Challenges. Misunderstandings can and do happen, but you, your youth, and the school staff can recover if conflict occurs. The way to do this is to focus on your shared goal: making school a positive experience for your youth.

Keep records of your communication with the school

Having a few notes summarizing the meeting dates, what’s going well, challenges or concerns, and key strategies identified during a particular conversation can help to keep everything moving forward in a way that makes a real difference. It helps you and your youth remember everyone’s roles and responsibilities, including yours! It can be overwhelming to manage your youth’s mental health needs, and this can help you keep track of what’s going on at school and be able to refer to it during meetings as well as inform other professionals who may be involved about how school is going (ie, family doctor, psychiatrist, counsellor).

Consider sharing when your youth has a mental health concern

Some parents and caregivers, and youth themselves, may worry about their privacy. While this is a valid concern, it’s important to recognize that sharing this type of information can make it easier for key people at the school to provide your youth with the support they need. For example, your youth’s support team at school might benefit from knowing if they have experienced changes to symptoms related to their mental health, developed any new symptoms, received a new diagnosis, or experienced any significant impact on their mental wellness because of significant changes in the home or their personal life.